I am not an expert on God Parents and have never had one or been one. I fully recognize that being a God Parent is not a legal position. Basically a God Parent is someone who parents pick to take a special interest in their children. Should anything happen to the parents, the God Parent is suppose to care for the child(ren).
Now most people are named as God Parents and after the last pretty little cupcake is consumed from the christening, the subject is never again raised. Others might make mention of and include these people in special family times and then there are those that make a point of standing up and asserting their God Parentness all over social media and anyone else who will listen.
I am one of those people that when I hear people either start screaming, or start to sing in public … I look. Once I am looking at something I like to really see it and take everything in. So if people are going to say 20 times in the first few minutes of my meeting them that they are a God Parent …. God Parents it is then. And particularly, among the choice of the many God Parents that live and breathe in this world, them!
So when that God Parent makes the time to contact and communicate with a non custodial parent that their child is being abused and treated horribly by the step parent, I have all these bells and alarms that go off inside my head. I make no apologies for this. I was born this way. I ask a lot of questions, and most disturbingly to many people, I ask them out loud.
It makes being Canadian particularly difficult. But there you have it, full disclosure.
After the 4th or 5th time, I was more than a little perturbed. After years of this and story after story … I admit it . . . I was out right angry.
What is the non custodial parent supposed to do with that information? I mean after they curl up in the fetal position and die inside? Who do they tell? No-one wants to hear about child abuse these days. Investigation involves asking the adult about it and if they can come up with a plausible excuse, that is it, home free. If they ask the child and that child has not been schooled in super hero abilities to be able to stand up against the one person who has told them if they ever tell, horrible things will happen to them, the child is not going to say anything. You know, the same scary person who bashes them over the head with a frying pan for failing to refer to their birth mother as “her” instead of “mom” or even her Christian name? Ya funny thing, not a lot of kids believe it when the Social Service people say nothing bad will happen if they tell the truth. You see Social Services frequently says that and bad things do happen. They don’t rescue children. In fact many times these are the people standing up in court and assuring the judge that everything is ok and nothing bad is going on. That is how well these people do at assessing abuse and protecting the kids. They seem to regularly believe the liars while questioning everything the people who are telling the truth are saying. It happens so often, in so many countries around the world that you have to consider there is something wrong with people who are not considering a conspiracy.
The alienated parent cannot make a report. They did not see the abuse. The only one who can step up and do something is the PERSON WHO STOOD BEFORE GOD AND SAID THEY WOULD BE THERE FOR THE CHILD. I mean why make that promise if really what you are saying is that you would have the back of the offending parent, no matter what, through emotional and physical abuse, through blood and broken bones … you would never turn on them. You are not protecting the child you are protecting the abuse. You are protecting the other adult, the criminal.
Ya, I don’t think THOSE people should stand up and go “GOD PARENT, GOD PARENT, look at me, I really love these kids, just like my own.”
If that is true, God help your kids.
I find myself asking what kind of a sick puppy are you coming with story after story and doing nothing about it. You tell everyone how upset you are for the child and yet there you are shopping and having family dinners and vacationing with the offending parents, while everyone pretends this is all ok. I am assuming they think THIS is what being a good friend/mom/dad/sibling/auntie looks like. Ok forget that, I lied. I can’t even think of a reason why anyone would pretend that this is all ok.
That you begged the alienated parent not to tell the offending parent you have betrayed their trust is perhaps most disturbing. You want the abuser as a friend? You are worried about their disappointment in you for telling? You don’t want them to be hurt? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD??? I can’t believe you would allow these people anywhere near your own child. Or why you go on and on publicly about how swell they are and how much you love them. This makes you happy? You are more worried about being caught trying to do the right thing than you are about living with yourself if you do nothing?
Naked Emperor’s are roaming the streets people and for crying out loud could we just speak up for once and say “no more?” If peer pressure can convince people to do horrible, stupid things then it can also convince people to do the right thing. And frankly, if you are going to sit there and say nothing, do nothing, then you are just as guilty as the person committing the act. You are just as responsible.
Please stop calling and pretending that you are her friend and that you are trying to help the child. You might also want to take down all your, “Look at me I am a swell God Parent” signs and ask yourself, next time you are sitting in church, what the point of being there is really all about because I think you are confused … AND you are embarrassing yourself.