It is official! The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has finally waded through the sea of human emotions and responses and identified one single state of being that is considered an acceptable, healthy response to life. After centuries of ill health where people experienced everything from sadness to happiness, experiencing depression, being moved by works of art, outraged over world events, grieved at the loss of loved ones .. . after all the happiness and love, jealousy and contempt . . . there will be sanity and order and calm. With only one emotional response human beings will finally be healthy. Of course, it should come as not surprise to any of us that the winner is “being offended.”
For years it was assumed that “love” was going to be the only emotion left standing, but over the recent years people turned their back on love to dedicate their lives to taking offense at everything they possibly could, and working tirelessly to enact laws to force people to acknowledge their discomfort. How that work just exploded into a global passion , well … is nothing short of miraculous.
In a gala celebration held in Washington DC earlier this month, a spokesman for the World Psychiatric Association thanked the tireless work of countless nameless “soldiers” who made it their life work to have every other single human emotion labelled as a mental disorder. He also pointed out and thanked the excellent collaboration they have had over the years with Big Pharmacy in producing multiple drugs to help human sufferers manage their disorders. Finally, freedom from joy! Could life get any better??
Now, thanks to this work, there will be no more random, spontaneous emoting of human beings to disrupt our focus and attention. Everyone will buckle down and get to work on identifying everything about life as an offense. Politicians everywhere have committed to take each complaint forward, to have laws passed as quickly as possible.
The Pope praised the work today, talking about a new world where peace would abide through the eons of time. We will all be so offended with one another we will hole up in our own little space and leave everyone else alone. Eternal time outs!! Further celebrations of this landmark achievement for mankind will undoubtedly be held around the world over the coming days . . . providing that no-one is offended by that idea.