Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly)

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Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly) 12 years old. She shared her heart with us, wanting some reassurance, and we showed her the ugliest part of being human – that part within humans, where they believe that everything is a competition and that they can only win by making sure someone else loses.

How does a 12-year-old make the decision to end her life and do so, exiting out of it with a string of apologies for letting everyone down?  What did we expect from her?  How could her life come and go and seem to mean so little to this world?  Such a beautiful, sweet girl.  Look at her.  How fitting is her nickname of “Dolly?”  Most of us will feel terrible about this little girl committing suicide and we will look at the actual people who did this to her in a “them” and “me” type of lens, but we all contributed to this and the many other cases of bullying that goes on everywhere. Continue reading

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Me. Me. Me.

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I saw this video this morning, clicked on it to view it on You Tube and was blown away by how many videos there are on this subject.

Articles, books and information regarding Narcissists and Gaslighting are everywhere. It begs the question as to how, when there is so much information out there, people still don’t understand the way they are behaving is not normal?

Why? Because Narcissists, like Psychopaths, do not have empathy. They don’t ever look at themselves or take responsibility for their lives. Continue reading

Adults Are Ruining More Than Just a Holiday.

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The Pez annual Easter Egg Hunt for Children, in Connecticut had to be cancelled. It wasn’t because of “the kids these days” either. Nope, it was because of the people in charge of raising “the kids these days” – their parents.

Pushy parents spoil Pez Easter egg event in Orange

Adults suck because they are always painting their own agendas, fears, insecurities, beliefs, etc . . . all over the innocence and fun of children. Children are capable of running and playing and having fun with all the other kids. They win, they lose, they share. When they don’t share, the natural consequences of the herd take care of that. The other kids stop wanting to play with you until you learn to share.  No-one gets killed or trampled in the process, you just learn that “friends” require give and take.

This Easter, one family of grandkids arrived at our home for an Easter egg hunt. It contained an older sister and 3 very close in age, very aggressive, very male, little boys.  They ranged in age from 2 – 5 and are constantly competing for all things life.  As they ran back and forth on the lawn finding their eggs to put in their “baskets” there were shouts of happiness and good natured taunting. There was some impromptu racing for the egg spied across the yard in the birdbath, a little bit of shoving, but mostly laughing. In the end, all tired and sweaty, proud of their efforts, they handed over their eggs to be put into the fridge to keep them from melting. No-one cared about counting who had the most. In the end, when they came out of the fridge, the children wanted them divided between them all, regardless of who had found them. Kids are capable of a heck of a lot of decent human behaviour when the adults can just back off and not project all their own crap all over them. Continue reading

Bullying – Be Careful What Message Our Response Sends

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Noah’s story is ongoing with some sad set backs but also some valiant steps forward.  What impresses me most is his incredible spirit and his desire to do everything he has the power to dream of.  He cries with the pain, and yet picks himself up and goes forward.  Can we hope for anything more?  Can we ask for anything more?

But, his brother, Elijah, who remains in the same school responsible for the original bullying with Noah, has had his own incident.  In this situation, a group of boys sharing a racial ethnicity, have become the bullies of the soccer field.  They refuse to be broken up to play on separate teams and together they wreak havoc with each game.  In this instance they bullied Elijah and threatened to kill his friend.  Now we have bullying that has racial overtones and a much more serious threat.  This happened in a school that advocates “zero tolerance” for bullying.

I have no idea why the police were not called in. Continue reading

Zero Tolerance For Bullying.

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Zero tolerance.

You hear a lot of the schools talking about their stance on bullying but what exactly does it mean?

When I hear that, I expect that to mean that should someone bully, they will have to leave the school. There is no excuse for it, no allowance for it to happen, and the school will protect all the students by making sure none of them are ever bullied, BUT, if it should happen, they will take responsibility, learn from it, and remove the bullying child OR insist that child get professional help that results in a change of behaviour. One incident -warning with help offered, second incident – they are gone.

It is not about zero tolerance for a child.  It is about zero tolerance for the act.  Too often we disallow important discussion on subjects because we lose sight of that subtle distinction.  We are not enacting discipline because of who did it, we are enacting it because of what was done.  Anyone who chooses that action would receive the same treatment.  It isn’t even about law or justice, it is the inherent right that every human being has to exist and participate and remain safe.  Those who choose actions that takes away from that sense must be removed.  And then, it is not up to the school to fix the offender or police their actions, it is up to the parents to get the child the help they need. Continue reading

Noah’s Fight Against His Bullies.

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It has taken me a few days to sort out my emotions enough to write about this.

On one hand I realize our story is just one of thousands being told daily. On the other hand our story is every bit as important as any other.   We all do what we can do.  I write.

My 10 year old grandson has Asperger’s. He is such an amazing boy.  In some ways he is an ancient soul contained in a red headed, somewhat awkward, pre-pubescent boy’s body and in others he is just a little boy who is scared and unsure.

He makes me laugh. We have Skype time as he is in the States and I am in Australia – and we talk about life and his dreams. We had made a special Skype date, he wanted to take me to his open house at his new school so he could show me where he would be and all of the cool things that were there. He was really excited about doing robotics.

He has an interesting perspective of the world. I listen and help him explore his thoughts. He reads me stories he has written, and he is really good. We talk about the book he wants to write this summer and he sends me bits and pieces for my approval. Sometimes I see he has tried to call me several times in one day and sometimes days go by. He likes it most when everyone else has gone out and we can talk privately in his room.

It is pretty awesome to know a 10 year old boy thinks you are cool and likes to hang out with you.

That is why when I found out that he has been repeatedly bullied until he wanted to take his own life and had to be hospitalized, I was devastated. Continue reading