Anyone Remember the Real Victims?

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This is not particularly against Bill Clinton. It is not a political statement. It is just he is the latest in a long line of rapists who make the same assertion.

They don’t want anyone discussing their past criminal activities, “it isn’t fair.”

People think that IF a person is caught, (which, btw, is the only thing that stops them, at least temporarily, because none of them voluntarily stop, and most of them resume their activities as soon as possible) and IF they are prosecuted, and IF they are found guilty, and IF they do jail time . . . that once that time is over that is all there is to it, the whole thing can just go away.

They feel it is completely unfair to make them forever have to live with their mistake. The further the distance between the time of their incident and when someone brings it up, the more unfair it is. Because the passage of time, after all, fixes everything. Doesn’t it?? Continue reading

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Monsters Under the Bed

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Bill Cosby – latest in the groups of “wholesome” entertainers that families welcomed into their homes and enjoyed for years, oblivious to the reality. Like others before, he not only denied the rumours of his sexual abuse, he attacked and belittled the victims encouraging die hard fans to turn against them and victimize them even further.

The fear of not being believed is the biggest barrier for many victims of sexual abuse. Time does no-one any healing favours here. It bolsters the idea for the perpetrator that they can act without any real consequences and it furthers the idea for the victims that they don’t matter. Justice is not just about law, it is often necessary to facilitate, or even begin, the process of healing.

I would like to single out Janice Dickinson among Bill Crosby’s victims. Who has not watched her over the years, with her out of control and often inappropriate behaviour and her eventual stint with Dr. Drew in rehab and not realized there is something really wrong with this woman? When we see people who act out like she did, we tend to discount them as people. We no longer seem to be able to look at symptoms and search for the underlying cause. It is easier to convince ourselves, some people are just like that, and to blame her.  Have we become that callous we no longer see pain? Continue reading

Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Should Not Be This Hard

there's a difference

Our headlines are full of politicians and priests and ministers and teachers and doctors  who have abused children.  We turn our anger towards the individuals and the organizations – meaning the disembodied structure.

This is a plea.

Politicians and priests and minister and teachers and doctors … and parents, and anyone else … even the organizations … cannot do what they do without the support of the people around them.  There are people around the paedophiles, who at worst support and aid what they do, and at best, know and do nothing.  There are people who did not know but when they find out, do nothing.  There are people who make the victim the criminal.  People who do nothing to reach out and support the victim.  People who close their eyes and say it does not involve them. Continue reading

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. The Cost.

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Great Resource Site with Lots of Information for Survivors and those of you who know someone who has survived.  Healing has a lot to do with the environment the Survivor is in.  Are you aware?  Are you compassionate?  Are you hard on the person, not taking into account how the abuse has impacted their entire life?  There is plenty for all of us to learn, to help these people heal.

ASCA – Adults Surviving Childhood Abuse

Invisible Scars – It’s Not Just About Women

In keeping with my last post where I spoke about the long term impact of sexual abuse on its victims, I need to underscore that with … it can be even worse for men.  Our ideas of men’s abilities to get over things, or deal with them get in the way.  So does our expectation that men be strong.  But most of all it is our idea that shields us from the thought that men could ever be victims of sexual abuse.  We forget those little boys grow up.   We forget that men can also be raped.

I am for anything that raises our awareness, speaks of our compassion, and offers a bridge of healing.

Invisible Scars – Tonya Lee Wins Victory in Child Abuse Case

Tonya Lee

http://www.smh.com.au/national/rolf-harris-victim-tonya-lee-cries-with-relief-over-guilty-verdict-20140701-zsso0.html

I have purposefully not titled this with Rolf Harris’s name.  I am happy to publicize his shame and make sure that he gets as much disgust as he once received accolades but I am tired of the story being about the abuser, in that we forget that victims and the cost to their lives. Continue reading

Child Welfare is Broken and It is Killing Our Kids

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“Let’s teach that loving isn’t always loving. Like when you loved the hamster so much that it died. Some adults do that too. Too much, the wrong way. These are ‘Stay away’ zones on your body. These are ‘Stay away’ people. You don’t have to obey all adults. Not even parents. Disagree respectfully. Run, if you need. Shout, if you need. Adults can be bad too.”   ― Deborah Ainslie, All Flowers Are Not Yellow

The poster obviously refers to the Child Welfare in the US but almost any Social Services Department in the world could have been substituted and it would still be true. It is time for us to stand and say NO MORE. Continue reading